you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
