I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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