Fine. I'll sleep in my office
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
