Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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