You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
