Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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