At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
