she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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