I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
