I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
