I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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