i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
