he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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