There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
