What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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