I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
