I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
