Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
