theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
