should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
