Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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