ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
