I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
