I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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