party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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