I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
