I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
