Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
