Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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