She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
