Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
