There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
