Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
