What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
