And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
