We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
