Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv

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(302): View more from Delaware

I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.

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(802): View more from Vermont

Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade

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(217): View more from Illinois

not the best booty call

(1-217): View more from Illinois

did she squirt?

(217): View more from Illinois

only if tears count

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(616): View more from Michigan

Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats

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