Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
