Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
