The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
