my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
