I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize