remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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