we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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