One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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