My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
