question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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