I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
