im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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