her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
