we're chasing vodka with high fives
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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