But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
