i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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