Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
