Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
