would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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