so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
