And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
