Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have demons in me.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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