Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
