My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
