the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
