Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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