Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
