Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
