Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
