We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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