so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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