if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
