If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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